


Gotta Start Somewhere

by frominsideacomputer



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: F/M, I actually nearly cried writing this, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 09:42:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3687498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frominsideacomputer/pseuds/frominsideacomputer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil have broken up, Dan's kinda got over it and Phil's got a girlfriend, but when Dan sees them together he's quite salty about it</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gotta Start Somewhere

"I can’t do this anymore!" Phil had yelled at me fifteen months ago when he finally snapped. "I want you to move out." Was the general gist of the next hour.

So I did, a couple of weeks later, I was in a small apartment on the other side of London, hoping to next bump into Phil. After the argument, Phil moved back into his old room, we barely spoke as I packed up my stuff and found another place. 

We told Radio 1, and I quit working for them. Phil still does the show though. 

We never deleted the old videos of us together, and the fans never even knew about our relationship, yes, they suspected but we never properly announced it. 

The videos were painful to watch, especially the early ones, when we had just met. Phil is not on fire 1 hurt the most. Then of course were the more recent ones, where we’d been together and you could tell from the way I looked at him that I loved him. ‘Heart Eyes Howell’ they called me. 

I still make videos, it’s the one thing I still truly love. 

Now, today, I’m in Soho, shopping for PJs birthday present. It’s late November and it’s bloody freezing. I’ve tucked myself down into my coat, hood up against the wind.

If Phil was here, he’d suggest what I could get PJ, but he’s not. It’s just me. 

Finally I decided to go inside, escaping the cold. I dash into the nearest cafe and realise it’s the bubble tea place we used to go to. I want to leave so badly, I want to pull myself out of the shop, but it’s so nice and warm. 

Standing in the queue, my hands shoved into my pockets and my head down, I hear a two people come in behind me. 

"I’ve never had it before." A woman’s voice says as they join the queue. 

"What!? I used to get it all the time!" Oh no. I know that voice like I know my own name. It’s Phil.

I tense, preparing for the inevitable, but he hasn’t recognised me yet.

"That was before you met me though." She says.

"Yeah," he laughs that familiar laugh. He seems happy with her, I don’t even know what she looks like. "What flavour are you going to get?" 

"Mango and Pineapple it think, you?"

"Cookies and cream." That was what he always had.

I begin to fidget, realising I’m nearly at the front of the queue, where he could easily recognise me; but if I leave now he’ll see me. 

Deciding to stay I step up to the front of the queue. 

Fairy quietly I say “Medium Oreo please.” hoping he didn’t hear but he did. 

"Dan?" Fuck. How do I play this out? Angry? No, not in public. Upset? No, I don’t want to seem like I never got over him (even though I barely did). 

"Oh, Phil hey. Haven’t seen you in a while." Mild surprise, always works. 

"Phil who’s this?" So he hasn’t told her. I notice they’re holding hands.

"Dan’s a… old friend." He says, trying to find a good description. 

I pick up my drink and they order theirs. I am about to leave, when I feel my jacket being pulled back. 

"It was nice seeing you Dan." Phil says to me.

Out of range of the girl, I say bitterly “I wish I could say the same about you. She seems nice.” In a flurry of adrenaline I leave the shop, my heart racing. I’ve wanted to do that since he kicked me out. 

Outside it’s warmed up a bit and the wind is less icy. As I wander around Soho looking for a present for PJ, my thoughts go to Phil and his new girlfriend. What’s her name? How did they meet? How long have they been together? Questions appear in my head, and I end up angry at him and myself for caring too much. 

After about another half an hour looking, I know I’ll find something in Forbidden Planet. I get the bus to Covent Garden and walk to the store. The problem with this shop is that I want almost everything in here. I wander around the shelves, looking for a present, when I hear the voice again. 

"Hey Mollie! Have you ever read Scott Pilgrim vs the World?" Oh, so her name’s Mollie, interesti-shit, he’s seen me. And he’s walking over here and he’s in front of me. 

"What was with earlier?" He looks worried. That’s nice of him. Caring about me. Unusual.

I’m still pissed off, so my answer isn’t exactly polite. “When you say earlier, do you mean when you broke up with me and kicked me out the flat and I had to quit my job? Or earlier when I finally got to vent a small bit of the anger that’s built up since then?” I shrug sarcastically. 

He opens his mouth to say something, but I’ve caught him speechless. I’m so proud of myself. 

I haven’t quite finished though. “Because I’m happy with either.” And to finish it all off a passive aggressive smile will really piss him off.

"Look, I don’t want to do it like this, can we at least have this conversation in private?" 

Well, I’m living alone. So it’s not much more private than that. Come over at 7. 9a, Earls Court Road, Just you. I think Mollie’s looking for you. Better not leave her too.” I feel kinda powerful being this sarcastic, but a little bit bad. Phil was always so sensitive but I kind of feel like he deserves it. 

I pick up a couple of books for PJ and go and pay. Phil and Mollie are still looking around. 

On getting back home, I tidy a little, getting rid of the mess in the lounge. I do like this flat, it’s smaller than our old one, but I like it.

The time passes, and 19:00 glows on the TV screen. He won’t be on time. 

Never was. 

Ten minutes later there’s a knock at the door. I open it and he’s stood there with an awkward expression on his face. “Hey.” He says, worried I’m going to snap at him again. But I won’t, I just needed that earlier.

"Hey, come in." I step aside to let him pass. 

"This is nice." His eyes pass over everything in sight. 

"I make do," I shut the door. "Do you want a drink?" The kitchen and lounge are one room, so it’s quite easy to do things like this. 

"No thanks." Shrugging, I pour myself a glass of wine. 

"I thought you were going to shout at me." He actually looks on the verge of tears.

"Shout at you? God no, I did all of that earlier. I just kinda wanted to apologise and talk." I sit down, in my sofa crease. 

"Talk about what?" He sits opposite me in one of the dining chairs. 

"I don’t know. I guess seeing you brought back a lot of repressed memories." Thinking about it, I had no idea why I’d asked him over. 

"Same." He looked down at the floor, hair flopping just like it used to.

"It’s not like I didn’t know why you broke up with me, because I do. And it’s not like I didn’t get over you, because I did. But it’s like watching an old collab, I miss the fun, the memories and the jokes." 

"I get that. Are you still making videos?" He asks, changing the conversation topic.

"Not so much. I’m a professional editor now. How’s the radio show?" 

"Good, I do the late morning show these days, it’s nice." 

Smiling down into the red wine in my glass. “I’m glad you’re doing well.” 

"You too though." 

"It pays the bills I guess." 

He laughs quietly, but then there’s an awkward silence. “Look,” he says “although we might never be as close as we once were, can we still try to be friends?”

There is nothing more I could ask. “Sure, got to start somewhere?”


End file.
